Leaving the LDS Church: Navigating Grief, Guilt, and Religious Trauma
Leaving the LDS Church isn’t just about changing beliefs; it’s about stepping outside a world that once shaped your identity, community, and understanding of yourself. For many, it’s a loss that ripples through every part of life.
You might be feeling grief, guilt, confusion, or even relief, and sometimes all of those at the same time.
If you’ve left the Church, or are questioning whether to stay, know this: you are not alone. You are not broken. And you are not failing for feeling what you feel.
Why Leaving the LDS Church Feels Like Grieving a Death
For those raised in the Church, faith wasn’t just a set of beliefs— it was an entire way of being. It shaped:
How you made decisions
How you viewed morality
How you related to family
How you planned your future
How you measured your worth
Walking away from the LDS Church often means losing more than doctrine. It can mean losing relationships, rituals, language, and a sense of belonging. It can mean being treated as an outsider by the people you love most.
It’s not just a change in faith— it’s a profound kind of grief.
You might be grieving:
The loss of certainty
The loss of a mapped-out path for your life
The loss of community or family closeness
The feeling of no longer belonging anywhere
The realization of harm you didn’t see before
And yet, grief isn’t evidence you’ve made the wrong choice. It’s a sign that what you left mattered to you.
The Weight of Guilt and Internalized Shame
Even if you’ve intellectually chosen to leave, it’s common to feel a heavy, lingering guilt. Many who leave the LDS Church experience:
Fear of letting down family
Worry about eternal consequences
Anxiety about betraying God
Guilt for causing hurt or disappointment
This guilt isn’t a reflection of your morality; it’s a reflection of conditioning. High-control religious systems often make it feel morally dangerous to question, leave, or choose differently.
It takes courage to honor your questions. It takes strength to prioritize integrity over conformity.
Religious Trauma Isn’t “Just Being Offended”
You may have been told you’re simply “too easily offended,” “straying,” or “choosing the world.” But leaving because of harm, coercion, manipulation, or betrayal isn’t about offense; it’s about survival.
Religious trauma can include:
Fear-based teachings (hell, worthiness interviews, temple recommend worthiness)
Control over sexuality, purity, and bodies
Gender role restrictions
Shame-based leadership dynamics
Spiritual manipulation or coercion
Leaving an environment that harmed you isn’t a rebellion. It’s an act of protecting your dignity and safety.
Healing After Leaving the LDS Church
Healing doesn’t mean “getting over it” or “moving on.” Healing means learning to honor your story, your wounds, and your strength.
It might look like:
Allowing yourself to grieve what was lost
Reclaiming autonomy over your choices and body
Relearning how to trust your inner voice
Finding safe community outside the Church
Naming harm without dismissing your past self
Some days may feel heavy. Some moments may surprise you with hope. Both are valid.
Many of my ex-Mormon clients tell me that certain seasons or events, like General Conference, can stir up lingering guilt, anxiety, or spiritual confusion, even long after they've left. If that feels familiar, you might find support in this post on caring for yourself amidst General Conference.
Therapy Can Support You in This Journey
Working with a therapist who understands religious trauma, faith transitions, and high-demand religious systems can help you process grief, navigate complicated family dynamics, and rebuild trust in yourself.
You don’t have to carry this alone. Therapy can be a space to honor the complexity of leaving; a space to hold your grief, guilt, anger, hope, and healing without judgment.
You are allowed to question. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to heal.
If you’re ready to explore your story, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.